The Stories We tell ourselves

“I’m just not good at that.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“That’s just how I am.”
“I always do this.”
“People like me don’t do things like that.”

We all have them.

Those little sentences we say to ourselves so often that we hardly notice them anymore. They can sound like observations, explanations, even facts.

But what if some of them aren't facts at all?

What if they're stories?

When a story starts to sound like the truth

Our minds are remarkably good at creating explanations for why things are the way they are. And once we repeat an explanation enough times, we can stop questioning it.

Maybe you tried something years ago and it didn't go well. Over time, “That didn't work” becomes “I'm not good at that.”

Maybe you made a choice that you regret. Eventually, “I wish I'd done things differently” becomes “I always make the wrong decisions.”

Maybe you're at a point in your life where you're unsure what comes next. “I don't know what I want” can quietly become “I don't know what I'm doing with my life.”

Notice what happens in each example.

The original experience may have been real. The conclusion we built around it may not be.

And that's where things get interesting.

I'm not suggesting that we simply replace every difficult thought with something cheerful. That's not particularly helpful either. If something is hard, it's okay to acknowledge that it's hard.

Instead, I think it's worth becoming curious about the stories we tell ourselves.

Is this actually a fact—or is it an interpretation I've repeated so often that it feels like one?

That small question can create a surprising amount of space.

You don't have to believe every story

One of the things I love about coaching is helping people slow down enough to examine what they're telling themselves.

Sometimes, underneath “I can't” is a very real limitation.

But sometimes there's a fear.
Sometimes there's an old assumption.
Sometimes there's someone else's expectation that we've mistaken for our own.
And sometimes there's simply a story that has been around for so long that we've forgotten we were the ones telling it.

The goal isn't to convince yourself that you can do absolutely anything.

The goal is to find out what is actually true.

Because when we separate what we know from what we've assumed, we often discover that we have more choices than we thought we did.

Try this

Think of something you've been telling yourself lately.

Complete this sentence:

“I can't __________ because __________.”

Now take a closer look at the second half.

Is it a fact—or an interpretation?

If it's a fact, acknowledge it. There may be a genuine obstacle that needs to be worked with.

If it's an interpretation, get curious.

Ask yourself:

• Where did I get this idea?

• Is it always true?

• What might I be assuming?

• What would I consider if I weren't already convinced this was impossible?

You don't have to rewrite your whole story today.

Sometimes, simply realizing that you have a story—and that a story isn't necessarily a fact—is enough to begin looking at your life a little differently.

Ready to Look at Your Story Differently?

Sometimes it helps to have someone outside the story ask the questions we can't—or don't think to—ask ourselves.

If there's a story you've been carrying that you'd like to explore, I'd be happy to help you look at it from a different perspective. Schedule a coaching session with me and let's get curious about what might be possible.